The Language of Wonder

The simple ways words can create wonder

The words we use matter

The words we use matter. A simple walk around the neighbourhood can become an adventure with the right words. It’s the difference between being read a book in a hurried monotone voice or a slow musical cadence. One fails to engage truly and the other brings us into the world between the pages.

There are many languages in which we speak to our children. And by far my favourite one, the one I learned from my mother, is the language of wonder. She spoke it to me when I was a child, but when I became a mother myself I took notice in a different way, observing from the outside I watched with interest how she spoke to her grandchildren. Bending down low and half-whispering in a conspiratorial tone “Shall we pick flowers to make hibiscus tea?” and just like that something as simple as picking flowers outside would become a secret quest. Special woven baskets, usually kept out of reach, would be brought down and handed out to the excited children. Each flower they gathered would be just the flower they needed to make the special tea. Then inside, gathered around the kitchen bench, water would be boiled and a large glass jug produced to place the hibiscus flowers in, along with a few other herbs to deepen the flavour and colour. After that, the final flourish, hot water poured over the flowers as she would look on eagerly, exclaiming as the colour of the water magically turned from clear to pink. Honey would be stirred in and the children would bounce around in anticipation waiting for the tea to cool enough to drink.

She could have made hibiscus tea on her own, the process would have taken less than 3 minutes. If she had bluntly asked the children to walk outside and grab the flowers for her, maybe they would have, but most likely it would have sounded like a chore they would not have been bothered with. What she did instead, was use language. She whispered and enticed, turning something simple into a drawn-out adventure where each step was talked through in an almost reverence that built up the anticipation. Nothing was hurried and every step was special. Making the tea was never about having the actual tea, making the tea was a way to engage the children for a time, to create a moment of magic in their day.

It’s things like this that stick with them, small rituals that create connection. Whenever we go past a hibiscus bush now, my son has to stop and pick some for tea. Admittedly the last bunch lay forgotten and wilted on the car dashboard, but it’s the excitement of the memory that stirs in him that means the most.

Wonder can be found in the most simple things, like the colours of the sunset, but it will not take a firm hold just by saying “Look at the pretty colours,” wonder needs to be aroused with awe.

“Have you ever seen those colours in the sunset before? Is that a tiny bit of gold!” Wonder comes in exclamation marks!!! Wonder comes in excited whispers and wide eyes. Wonder is not the simple observation of things, but hides within the possibilities these noticed things create, a world where the sky paints never-before-seen shades of pink across the sky every night.

We speak the language of wonder in our home, but it does not always come easily. Sleepless nights and the drudgery of breaking up yet another fight over who gets the yellow Duplo bricks can make it hard to summon the energy needed to view the world with wonderment. Luckily, it’s our children who often do most of the work for us. Toddlers especially can find anything amazing, but it’s our job to join them in their wonder, to keep it alive and nurture it as they grow. There are so many aspects of this world that reward indifference. As kids grow, indifference can be seen as a badge of honour among their peers, too cool to care. So instead, let’s reward wonder, not by saying ‘Good job!’ or creating a sticker chart, let’s reward wonder with connection. Showing our children we are interested in their observations of the world, and sharing with them our own.

Simple ways to use the language of wonder:

• Convey wonder through your voice and facial expressions. So much can be conveyed through your tone and body language. Let your voice sound amazed by things and your eyes light up with excitement. Our little ones are sponges for all they see and hear, especially from us. So if you sound and look excited about something, the chances are higher they will too.

• Use hushed tones. You can turn the mundane into a secret mission quite quickly just by whispering about it. Getting down to the child’s level and quietly, but excitedly outline your ‘idea’.

• Stop to marvel at the small things. A red leaf dropped on the pavement can become the most beautiful red leaf you’ve ever seen. Call your children over to come and see the incredible leaf you’ve just discovered.

• By the same token, get excited by the things your children get excited by. That bit of gravel they picked up and are in raptures over has been carefully selected over many others. To them this particular rock is special, treat it with reverence.

• Turn simple tasks into quests. Ask for their help with your quest and create a sense of excitement around it.

• Using the word ‘imagine’. “Imagine if dinosaurs were still alive?” Asking them to imagine possibilities, even silly ones, is a great way for you and them to flex their creativity and can lead to wonderful and hilarious conversations.

When we see the world with wonder, when we make a habit of stopping to notice small things or exclaim with delight about a beautiful view or magical-looking tree, children can’t help but be swept up in it. Out at dinner with friends the other night my toddler ran up to me, his eyes wide open, yelling “IT’S PINK AND GOLD MUMMA, IT’S PINK AND GOLD” and waving franticly at the sunset. The joy on his face was priceless and made me appreciate the sunset all the more.

*I will caveat this by saying not to go overboard. Kids like to be drawn in, but they’re also not stupid and if you’re too over the top or different than normal, they may resist or become quite suspicious.

To me, the true language of wonder is awe. I have noticed the more in awe of the world I become, not only do my children absorb it but my joy increases. In using our words to foster the spirit of wonder, much like with imagination, we can create an environment where this becomes the norm, and hopefully helps our little ones to stay curious and enthralled by the world.

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I would love to know if using the language of wonder comes easily to you, and how you use it, or if it’s something you are new to.

The ideas I share in A Life of Wonder come mostly from my own lived experience of being raised in a home full of imagination and wonder, my experiences parenting two boys and having 13 nieces and nephews. There are many wonderful books and blogs out there that talk about the science behind a lot of these things, but what A Life of Wonder offers is a practical guide. Simple steps that can be easily integrated into your everyday life. You don’t need to be a full-time stay-at-home mum, buy certain games or toys, or live in a certain place to create a life of wonder for your children and yourself.

A Life of Wonder