I remember Sonny’s first Christmas. He was 8 months old and had absolutely no clue what was going on but I had already started to stress about what our new family’s Christmas traditions would be. What I could take from my own Christmas memories and what we would take from Matts? I did, to my credit keep presents to a minimum. From me, he got a little felt dog and a toothbrush which he adored. I knew there was going to be plenty of presents rolling in from doting grandparents and aunties. In all, it was a fairly casual affair.
The next year however was when the lofty unrealistic ideals started to kick in. I had decided around October that we would tell everyone in our families we only wanted gifts that were handmade or locally bought. It was a lovely sentiment. I told one of my sisters and she just laughed and said ‘Good luck’. And that was where that idea died. That Christmas day we welcomed a host of presents, some including dreaded plastic I, as an aesthetic mother, struggled with! Sonny enjoyed the wrapping paper most of all and I was too wrapped up in new baby Sylver to put much energy behind the perfect Christmas.
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Last Christmas, and Sonny’s third, he was finally old enough to understand that Christmas was an exciting magical time. He squealed with delight every time he saw a Christmas tree and ran up and hugged it. He was enamoured by baubles and tinsel and his most treasured possession was a snow globe. I started to think deeply about the stories I wanted to tell him surrounding Christmas. I read for myself the story of St Nicholas. Researched the pre-Christian origins of Christmas and longed to be in the northern hemisphere where Christmas ties in with the winter solstice. I bought books focused on giving and helped him pick his gifts for others and make his wrapping paper. I started to feel panicked at the idea of Santa and what stories to tell him. I have always loved the magical time of Christmas but now it felt like I had overthink everything. To make sure our family Christmas was aligned and that Sonny was receiving the ‘right’ messages.
This year Sonny is three and a half and Sylver has just turned two. We are living in Lombok where there are no Christmas lights to go and look at or trees decorating shop windows. But still, Sonny’s Christmas spirit is strong. We have been getting visits from Elfie, a combination of Elf on the Shelf, Advent and some general fairy magic and our days are spent making decorations at Sonny’s request. A few times a day he turns to me and asks if I would like to chat about Christmas with him. Matt has built us a tree out of wood and Sylver is hell-bent on tearing off every decoration we have on there.
Again I have found myself wanting to create the perfect uncommercial Steiner-esk Christmas where we light candles every night and make organic gingerbread and it also makes me think about how much of these things are for me and how much are for the kids. What I can do is tell him stories about how great it is to give and to do kind deeds. Encouraging him to think about what he would gift his dad and brother.
In this age of awareness, there feels like so much pressure to have the right Christmas story. The consensus currently is that Santa is creepy and wrong, that too many presents will raise unthoughtful spoilt kids and that a lot of Christmas cheer is commercial and should be avoided at all costs.
The thing I keep coming back to when I get trapped in these thoughts is that no one I know is badly scared by believing in Santa (a point
also made in this post). And while it is so beautiful to have family rituals and make Christmas a time for giving and thoughtfulness, we don’t live in a bubble. And to try and control the way other people in the boy’s life want to express their Christmas traditions and ideas is just stressful and unnecessary. Christmas is this great time when there is such a mash-up of everyone’s conflicting beliefs and traditions and to be honest it’s what makes it even more fun. That there are endless ideas and stories about there. Christmas doesn’t have to be ridged, it can be shaped and moulded over time.So to anyone out there who is feeling stressed about what to teach and give your kids at Christmas time. What traditions to start and what is important? I will tell you what I am reminding myself. It will all come in time and right now while they are so young why not roll with it and trust we will settle into our own Christmas story in time? Traditions are not made overnight and every year will be so different as the kids grow and change. There will be more time for lessons on giving but this year when I ask Sonny what he is most excited about, it’s “PRESENTS MUMMA!” And why not let him have that joy?
Mama what’s your email/ WhatsApp!
Love Elfie! Wish we did elf on the shelf this year!!